Feature Article - What Do You Want

SelectingThe Best Vows For Your Wedding Day

There are many ways which couples have come up with to customize and personalize their wedding day. When it comes to the ceremony, often there is little choice unless you have a flexible officiant or clergyperson who is willing to adapt to your wishes. Most non-denominational ministers will incorporate your ideas however. The vows spoken ARE the main focus of every wedding ceremony. This is the part that everyone pays attention to and listens for between the other religious or secular rituals and readings. The vows are also very important to each couple as they speak of the love and promises being commited to during the marriage.

Just as wedding ceremonies can range anywhere from very religious to totally civil, so too can the vows. When selecting vows, couples first need to determine if they have any say in the matter of what gets used. Once this hurdle is crossed comes time to decide how the vows will reflect their personal love for one another and the type of service being performed. Will the wedding be of a religious nature? Will this ceremony be based on the bride's belief system and therefore in her place of worship or will some middle ground be sought at a banquet hall, chapel, park gazebo or other location? Regardless of the answer is the additional question of whether both religious or non-religious beliefs will be incorporated? Often flexible minsiters can use a more spiritual approach referring to God without having the ceremony sound as if it leans in one particular religious direction or another. OR, different rituals can be used to keep both happy (and of course this also means that both families in attendance will be happy also for the compromise).

Another option is to take a look at the ceremony from the standpoint of being more civil in nature and less religious. Here, a minister or officiant will typically dress in a suit or alter robe and deliver a service which handles the essentials and some other nice features which make for a wonderful service without the hint of religion. Just as there are different couples, there are different wishes for what makes your day special. Civil weddings can be just as beautiful as religious ones - it is all a matter of having a nice ceremony made up by the minister in charge.

In reference to the marital vows, the distinction should be drawn in terms of whether a religious set should be used or other kind. For many brides and grooms, they must have the Catholic, Methodist, Baptist, Jewish, etc. vows. For others, they prefer vows that speak more out of culture and tradition. There are very lovely vows for Irish, Polish, Italian, German themed weddings. In fact this can be said for any country or ethnic origin. If a color theme and wedding theme is being used, having vows that align to this is a terrific idea. As an added complement is the age of the vows - yes, the age. Some vows have been written in fairly recent times (the past 50 or so years) while others may have existed for centuries and still considered absolutely pefect for today's couples.

Couples have a wealth of information available to them about getting married AND this certainly also includes vows to pick. Bookstores have entire sections dedicated to helping the wedding process go smoother as do the libraries. If this is not enough, the internet makes these latter sources pale in comparison. One can do a search and come up with more history and more choices than any bride or groom could possibly read in a lifetime. But, this can be a good thing too. Often, one can do a sort of cut and paste with vows. Lets say that you like the first 1-2 lines of one set of vows but on another set you found lines 3-4 to also be perfect and fit together nicely with the opening. In this fashion, couples can pretty much write their own by taking a little from here and there and making a novel set of vows that work for them. Parts may be religious and parts may be secular, or spiritual or adapting from culture (i.e. Native American ancestory).

The last consideration about vows is how they are said. For those brave few who write their own vows, you may choose to read them to each other from your own paper. Others give the vows to the minister and ask that the minister do all the reading and ask the couple to say "I Do" at the end. Most prefer to be told by the minister a few words at a time for them to repeat back so that before you know it, the vows part of the ceremony is completed. Any of the three ways is acceptable. The main thing is that the two of you love each other and want to say these vows of commitment.